A proposition
by IceCrome
Summary: Shinji proposes to Hikari. Or tries, anyway. Crack. Ikarishipping.


_I'm extremely tired, so if I make a spelling error and you point it out, I will shoot you._

_© Satoshi Taijiri_

_Don't question the logic. I'm tired, dammit. _

_-_

"No."

There were multiple things in Shinji's life that he detested with a fiery detest. The major one was his brother's personality. Although he loved his brother will all his heart, his personality was so incredibly different from his. And the fact that he was older did not help at all. He would force him into things just because he was his elder and 'could make him embarrass himself however he pleased'.

Why the _hell _couldn't he have been born first?

At this moment, he was standing in front of his brother, trying not to kill him, and with a freaking diamond _ring _in his hand.

Twenty at the time, with his brother at twenty-six, he was trying incredibly hard not to smack him with a tire iron.

"Shinji, you need to do this sooner or later."

"Later would be more _preferable!_" His brother was forcing him into asking for _her _hand in marriage. His girlfriend of four years.

He was a cold hearted _bastard_. He was not a softy who fell in love with pretty girls!

Oh, oh yes you are, God said.

"Aniki, I am not going to do this."

"Yes. You are. You love her, and she deserves your marriage. Stop being so stubborn." Being in an arranged marriage would have been _so_ much easier.

But then, he wouldn't have met her, who was traveling with that idiot and the one who was actually smart.

"Hikari-kun will be so happy! Just think, you want her happiness, right?" Dammit.

"…alright." Reiji smirked.

"You'll be happy, too. I _promise_ it." Sigh.

"But I don't even have anything planned."

"Taken care of. Reservations to the best restaurant in town and got you a nice set of clothes."

"_What._" He said through his teeth, seething.

"So now, you cannot back down, because if you do, you owe me seven-hundred dollars." Shinji closed his eyes.

"…what time…"

-

He was seriously going to murder his brother.

He wasn't _ready, _dammit!

_Oh, you'll just be ready when you propose_, Reiji had said. _Lies._

No.

No, he would not be ready.

He sighed as he forcibly made himself walk up the steps, and knocked on the door. Her sweet mother (one person who Shinji actually liked and was polite to) answered the door.

"Oh, Shinji-kun! It's so nice to see you! Hikari will be down in one minute. Come in, come in!" He smiled, and went inside the house.

"She's just fixing up; she's so excited! What are you planning tonight, huh?" She winked. Shinji tensed up slightly, and showed her a black box. Ayako's eyes widened and Shinji put a finger to his lips.

"Alright mom-oh, hello Shinji-kun!" She ran down the steps to hug him, and he awkwardly put his arm around her waist.

Affection was still new to him.

"You two have fun, alright?" She smiled, and shut the door as they walked out.

"Se ville! How did you get reservations?! It's the hardest restaurant to get into." He smirked.

"I made them just for you." She cooed. Corny shmuck like that _always _worked.

"Aw. Thank you." She pecked him on the cheek, and he wrapped an arm around her waist.

They walked the impeccably short distance to the restaurant, and entered the revolving door, a.k.a Paul's arch nemesis.

Thankfully, he didn't make an ass out of himself walking through the door.

The greeter stood behind a podium and smiled a more than likely fake smile, thinking that all she wanted to do was go home and watch more television, and dig into a large pint of ice cream while thinking how much they hated their job.

"Welcome! Do you have reservations?" Paul nodded.

"Under the name 'Ikari'." She scanned down the reservation sheet.

"Oh! I see. Right this way, sir and madam." The lights were dim, and multiple red curtains with yellow outlining decked the restaurant. Tables had white tablecloths with fancy candles and salt on them.

'_He had to pick the most stereotypical place, didn't he? A McDonald's would've been cooler.' _Yes, they had McDonald's. That place rapes anything it touches.

"Here you are. Your server will be right with you." She handed them the menus.

Meanwhile, in Hikari's mind…

'_Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God. He's proposing, isn't he? Is he? No, he isn't. Is he? He is, isn't he?! My mind is going to explode!'_

"Hikari."

"Yes?!" She said, a bit shoutier than she would have liked it.

Blink.

"Er…"

"S-sorry about that."

"Troublesome…" She rolled her eyes. Her 'pet name' had not been reconciled.

"Right…" As she continued to scan the menu, she noticed a passing by waitress, holding about eighty freaking plates.

This did not help that said waitress was a klutz.

It also did not help that said klutz waitress happened to drop every food item on Hikari.

It was in _slow-mo._

Blink.

"Ohmygod, ohmigod! I'm sosososososo sorry!" Her eye started to twitch. She had spent three hours making herself look nice!

"It's…alright. Could you get some towels or something?" She nodded, and ran into the back room to get some towels.

Her favorite blue cocktail dress-_ruined!_

Shinji hid his face behind the menu. He was chuckling like a mad man. She would _destroy _him if he was caught.

His baby machine would not work for years.

'_Stay behind the menu and all will be well…' _Sure, he cared about her well being as much as the next person, but it was funny when _anybody _had food dumped on them, and he was no exception to laughing.

As he finally calmed down, he helped soothe his twitching girlfriend, who was about to destroy the Great Wall of China.

"You still look pretty." She flushed.

"Thanks for lying to make me feel better." He smirked.

"You're welcome." The waitress returned once more, and bowed lowly.

"Ma'am, I'm so deeply sorry! It was my entire fault!"

"It's…alright. It was an accident. Accidents happen. Daijiobou, alright?" Hikari consoled the waitress.

He sighed.

This would be a long night.

-

As soon as their orders arrived and the food on her dress had turned into stains, the entire evening went smoothly.

Ha. No, not really.

As soon as Shinji started to dig into his…potato thing, a person coming from the bathroom smacked him on the back of the head, making his head go down, therefore getting his face covered in food.

"Pfft!!" That was the only thing clear that came out of Hikari's mouth before she burst out laughing.

His perfectly rugged face that made women swoon over him was ruined.

He wiped off the potato...thing off of his face, and tuned out her laughing.

"We are having the worst luck today, I swear…"

"A SNAKE!"

Oh Jesus Christ.

"Seriously." Shinji said, not really giving a damn that there was a snake in here.

"IT'S A KING COBRA!" What the hell!? Did somebody release them from a _zoo_?!

"Oh for the love of…"

It didn't help that his slightly insane albeit attractive girlfriend hated snakes.

Especially the fact that this one could, you know, _kill her_.

'_Reghfgejhrjegfasnmbf!?' _That's all that went through Hikari's mind at the moment.

"Do not scream. Please. Do not scream." She froze at his words.

"And breathe. Breathing is also good." She breathed in and out quickly.

The snake slowly slithered its way through tables, various women getting up on the table for fear of, you know…dying.

Unfourtunatley, the freaking thing had to go near Hikari, for she had some magic quality about her that made deadly snakes want to be near her.

"It's…going…up…my…_leg_…do…something!" She said in a harsh whisper.

"…what."

"Anything!" She glared at him, attempting to get him to do something about the belt-o-death around her.

Shinji, being completley logical, decided that making any sudden movements would be bad.

Well, why not call Animal control? They had a place in Veilstone, right?

He went up to a nearby waiter, and asked him to call Animal Control. No, he did not have a cell phone. He was too cool for one. (Much to Hikari's disdain. He was prone to getting lost easily. Or the other way around.)

"Just stay calm, Hikari."

"How can I stay calm when there's a frickin' _Cobra _around my torso?" 'Twas true, as the belt-o-death moved up from her leg to her torso.

"The thing likes me. It licked my _face_. Does its tongue have poison in it?"

"Um, no." She sighed a breath of relief.

A few minutes later, a guy who looked kinda like Steve Irwin only less awesome came in with a cage to contain the snake. They took it off of her, and left the restaurant in peace.

"…never again…"

Oh right. He still had to propose, lest Reiji mock him.

"Hikari, I need to ask you something." She looked up at him and blinked.

"What?"

"Will-."

"_FIRE_." Anonymous waiter number one screeched in the kitchen.

"IT'S NOT STOPPING. EVACUATE, NOW!"

'_You have got to be kidding me.' _He thought, and looked around for the nearest exit, not bothering to pay as the place was going to _burn_ to the _ground_.

It was a frenzy as people attempted to get out of the mayhem, but failed miserably. Shinji saw that everyone was going through the regular entrance, and not the door that said 'emergency exit'.

Nice.

"Hikari, take my hand." She latched onto his arm.

"That works too…" He walked out of the exit, and sighed.

What a weird day. It was as if it was written or something.

Nevertheless, there was still a deed to be done.

"Come on; let's go see if everyone else is alright." He looked to see a sunset. Corny, cheesy, but it helped.

They walked over to where everybody was standing, completley drained from adrenaline rush.

'_Well…here goes nothing…'_

He got down on his knee, and turned to Hikari, and pulled out the ring. Her pupils dilated.

"Hikari, will you marry me?"

In complete shock and awe, everybody just had to go 'awww…' to them.

"Y-yes…" She said, in too much of a shock to jump up and down and squeal.

He smirked.

Mission accomplished.

-

"Ha, in front of everybody? How stupid, Shinji-kun."

"Shut up, Reiji."

-

_Happy really late Ikarishipping day._

_Fear my crappy ending!_

_Um…I stopped trying half way through…_


End file.
